Teacups
by APrettyPossum
Summary: Silviana had a penchant for mending what was broken, and she had never seen a woman more broken than Meidani. WoT femslash. [Silviana/Meidani]
1. Chapter 1

**Notes:** Meidani and Silviana are two underrated characters in WoT, in my opinion. Both have excellent canon stories and I wanted to develop their characters a bit more, particularly together. I completely acknowledge that this is a crackship, mostly because these two have never interacted in the series, but I love it and have no problem spreading my Meidani/Silviana disease.

Big spoilers from pretty much every book, so don't read this unless you're done with the series. Trigger warnings: mentions of rape/non-consensual sex and suicide.

Takes place early in _Towers of Midnight_. Constructive criticism is always welcome.

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**Teacups**

**Chapter 1**

In the silence of her room Meidani lay awake, staring hopelessly at the whitewashed ceiling as she wondered how everything in her life turned so sour. Too many thoughts grappled for her attention, and too many memories resurfaced in the darkness when she was alone. She could feel Leonin through the bond, sensing the he was not only awake, but tirelessly watchful, worried, brooding. The Arafellin Warder was making his rounds beneath her room on the Tower grounds, vigilant and prepared to face any shadows that sprang to life, wishing he could slay his bonded's darkness with a simple, well-placed arrow as easily as his enemies.

Meidani rolled to her side, weaving a familiar barrier between herself and Leonin. She didn't need her messy emotions blunting his focus, and she certainly didn't want him to come check her quarters again. He wouldn't leave her alone even when she insisted _I don't want to see you any more_. The reflection of her own pain on his face, bells tinkling softly as he shook his head at her repeated denials, only compounded her guilt. She'd once thought of ending it all, but could never leave Leonin to such grief and madness, or so she told herself. He would know if she transferred the bond before taking her life, and would fight like a mad dog to prevent losing her. It seemed the Pattern was conspiring to keep her alive.

_Spy, coward, traitor, whore._ The world needed no more of what Meidani had to offer.

She sat upright, slippered feet settling on the cool tiles, fighting the dizzying sensation that accompanied her lack of appetite and hours of laying prone. She couldn't recall when last she'd eaten, and couldn't muster up the energy to care in the first place. Food no longer appealed to her, it tasted too empty in her mouth, and sleep evaded her until the foggy hours just before dawn when her body could no longer sustain itself. It was surprising how rapidly she became a skeleton.

For months, Meidani had tried to internally reconcile her new role in the Tower, justifying that she did what needed to be done for the sake of the greater good. She clenched her jaw. The Grays had no business behaving like Blue seekers with their single-mindedness and bullheaded determination. Grays were meant for politics and diplomacy in wartime, meant to stay behind the scenes releasing information and secrets. Then, when the time was right, they were meant to mediate for peace. She scowled. How ironic that she couldn't find the harmony within herself she was so gifted at finding for others.

But Meidani had been thrust back into the Tower as a ferret from Salidar, then commanded back into Elaida's bed and given a task at which she could never succeed.

To think that she'd once longed for Elaida's touch- once believed her aloofness was a facade and not a genuine lack of tenderness for her- made her skin crawl. She had wept inconsolably as a novice when Elaida had been raised to Accepted and told her _so unkindly_ that their relationship had to come to an end. _Dalliances_, she had sneered. Meidani had called it love, she'd called it _rapture_, and had been bluntly informed that she was wrong. Now, all these years later, the Gray had been reduced to the favored prostitute- no, even prostitutes were paid- of the power-crazed Amyrlin. She was found out, betrayed, and was punished with the fervor of a woman who'd once enjoyed knowing her intimately. Her body was bruised and cut with teeth and fingernails, but the lasting damage of words like razors would never show on her skin.

Meidani was diminished now, a slave only valuable for bringing her mistress pleasure, and felt a depth of shame she had never believed possible. She closed her eyes tightly, willing the memories of Elaida's bed away. If only the Seanchan had taken them too.

Rising, she trudged out of her room into the corridor, shoulders slumping pathetically on her tall frame. Lately she had not bothered to change into a night shift in the evenings, and her skirt and shawl were wrinkled unbecomingly. She felt nothing like an Aes Sedai should feel: powerful, in control, levelheaded, _clean_. Meidani shuffled along with her blue eyes lowered, her mind lost in another cycle of self-shaming.

It wasn't until she came to the Amyrlin's study that she realized where her sluggish feet had taken her. She gulped audibly, aware of the dangers of traveling alone at night; even now that things were on the mend, Sisters rarely walked about by themselves in the dark, constantly questioning, w_hat's out there?_ Fearing that her carelessness would put her in peril, she turned to leave in a rush. Leonin was too far away to help her now, and she'd blocked him for so long that she doubted he'd want to rescue her in the first place. She was a worthless Aes Sedai.

Why had she gone to Egwene? The young Amyrlin Seat had far greater problems with which to deal: impending war, famine, the Forsaken, Seanchan captives, Darkfriends, the Black Ajah, assassinations... and she needed her rest besides. What would she care for the emotional distress of a Gray of middling strength?

Still, Egwene had been so strong in the face of mind-numbing, body-breaking adversity. She'd seen the pain on Meidani's face in Elaida's quarters before the attack on the Tower, and, in that moment, Meidani couldn't decide which was worse: that Egwene was mockingly dressed in novice white, or that she had worn the lascivious gown with the distastefully plunging neckline that Elaida had chosen for her. Despite their despicable costumes and circumstances, Egwene had given her hope and encouragement when all else was lost; when Elaida forced her, helpless, onto her silken sheets. When Elaida broke _her_ because she couldn't break her oaths to Yukiri and the others.

"Meidani?" a woman's deep voice asked behind her.

She whirled, dark-circled eyes wide, desperately grasping at the Source. Silviana Brehon stood in the doorway to a smaller side study, clutching a pile of papers against her chest. The Keeper of the Chronicles wore her brunette hair in a bun, still impossibly neat and tidy after a long day's work, and stared back at Meidani with a startled expression. "Are you well?"

_Oh, Light. What will she think of me standing here like a maniac?_

Immediately releasing the Source, Meidani automatically began to respond in the affirmative before the words died abruptly in her mouth; the Three Oaths would not allow a lie. She smoothed out her clothing, unsure if she was more embarrassed by her presence or appearance. A warm, red heat flushed across her neck and cheeks.

"I... had bad dreams."

_Stupid, childish answer_, she chided herself. It was only a matter of time before her careless distractions, moving about the Tower without purpose or thought, would catch up with her. She didn't necessarily predict a bizarre midnight encounter with the new Keeper of the Chronicles, but, still, she spoke a partial truth. Waking dreams were still dreams and they certainly haunted her like nightmares.

_Let her judge me if she wishes._

Though they'd never spoken directly, Meidani had seen Silviana about the Tower on several occasions prior to its breaking. She was tall for a woman, not as tall as Meidani herself, and always appeared statuesque and strong, especially now with the Keeper's stole laying on her shoulders. Her penetrating hazel eyes sat above sharp cheekbones and a pointed nose. She was gorgeous, but clearly didn't spare a second thought about her appearance.

As she stood before Meidani, Silviana's angular face gave the impression that she was every bit as stern as the novice's rumors claimed, but she merely tilted her head to one side and answered, "I'm sorry to hear that. Unless you think you need to see the Amyrlin about it now, I'd ask that you wait until tomorrow morning. It has been a trying day and she's already retired."

"No, thank you," Meidani murmured, wrapping her rumpled shawl tightly around her shoulders. She slowly shook her blonde head before turning away. "It was nothing important."

_Even the Oath Rod couldn't stop that statement._

"It woke you and brought you here in the dead of night," replied Silviana. "It must be something meaningful, however unpleasant." She readjusted her stack of papers before thoughtfully catching Meidani's eye. "Would you like a cup of tea? It may help you sleep. My room is nearby, much closer than the Gray Ajah's quarters."

Regarding the Keeper with parted lips, Meidani's mouth worked silently for a moment. The last thing she'd expected from a Red, particularly a Red who stood higher in the Power that she didn't personally know, was an invitation for late night tea. Silviana watched her expectantly, seeming every bit the patient but strict former Mistress of the Novices that she was. She looked genuinely concerned for the disheveled Gray standing before her, wandering the Tower in the dead of night and jumping at monsters in the dark. Elaida had never shown kindness for its own sake, nor given a modicum of sympathy for the feelings of the woman she regularly bedded.

_Why am I thinking of her now?_

"Yes," Meidani blurted, wishing with every fiber of her being that she had managed to display some shred of her former confidence instead of the cowering shell she'd become. She noted with visible relief that Silviana curtly nodded and turned away without acknowledging the awkward silence.

Composing herself, Meidani quietly added, "That would be lovely."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

It was not just Egwene's orders to mend the torn fabric that held the Ajahs together, nor was it the fact that Silviana felt a tremendous amount of pity for the tall, anxious woman at her door, that encouraged her to invite Meidani inside. The Keeper of the Chronicles had once considered joining the Yellow Ajah before ultimately deciding that the defensive role of the Reds suited her personality more. Taming the men who could channel, the men who would soon lose control in the tainted fury of _saidin_, and protecting those they would inevitably hurt was her higher calling. A small knack for healing could not overcome that insatiable drive to protect the weak from the male channelers. But then, her world had changed a great deal since being raised to the shawl.

Still, Silviana had a penchant for mending what was broken, and she had never seen a woman more broken than Meidani.

_She cringes at my words. Her whole world is imploding. _

Even Egwene, stripped and whipped in her study until a Healing that left the weaver exhausted was necessary just to keep the girl alive, had never looked lost. Only resolute. She'd been a leader long before the Hall acknowledged her.

Early on, Egwene had mentioned to Silviana the _services_- a frail, disappointing turn of phrase in Silviana's opinion- Meidani had provided for the Salidar rebels. She'd spoken of the numerous betrayals that led her into the clutches and bed of the former Amyrlin, who waited like a spider on a web until she could tie her prey down and eat her alive. It was a foul thing that happened to Meidani, and it was clear the Gray considered the stains on her heart immutable.

The Keeper's room was larger than that of an average Sister's, or of the Mistress of the Novices', for that matter, but Silviana kept her space orderly and clean. A heavy cherrywood desk, an intricately crafted piece from an Altaran master carpenter, was her favorite new possession. It held neatly sorted stacks of paperwork: everything from international trade reports to scribbled notes from the eyes-and-ears to records on recent Hall decisions, the latter to which Silviana added her own pile. She would sort it another time.

A large bed surrounded by bookshelves stood in the back corner, nestled beneath a window with a dazzling view of the moon on clear nights. Silviana thought it a blessing a curse that she couldn't see the looming, majestic form of Dragonmount from her window: it would serve as a necessary but somber reminder of the upheaval that would inevitably come before Tarmon Gai'don.

"Please, sit down," she gestured to a set of cushioned chairs, feeling particularly gruff and ungraceful as Meidani wordlessly complied. It was a problem she'd always had in front of pretty women, one she actively countered by schooling her face into calmness. She often wondered if she was the only Aes Sedai who was grateful for her training in that regard.

The Red retrieved her tea leaves and porcelain teapot from a small cupboard beside a low table near the fireplace. She said, "Chamomile helps me sleep when I'm feeling... energetic."

She neglected to mention that it never helped with the wracking fear of falling short of her station, or worse, disappointing Egwene. Silviana had nightmares of her own: vivid terrors in which a minor clerical error lead to the gruesome execution of an innocent person, or a worsening food shortage in a starving district of Tar Valon. She was far less frightened of the dreams in which the Black Ajah hung her by her stole until her eyes bulged and lips turned a pallid blue before tossing her lifeless body from the roof of the White Tower. At least then it hadn't been a mistake of her own costing the lives she intended to protect.

Warming the teapot with a weave of Fire, the Red sat at a chair across from her guest, hands folded demurely in her lap. She wanted very badly to knead her eyes with the heel of her hands or to lay her forearms on the table and simply collapse from fatigue, but the Keeper of the Chronicles could never afford to show such weakness.

_I will be strong if it kills me. I will not bend. I will not break. _

Eyeing her visitor, who had not spoken since accepting the offer of tea, Silviana cleared her throat, another of her nervous habits, "I tend to keep later hours than the Amyrlin, should you ever find yourself wanting company at night." The teapot faintly whistled and Silviana released her weave, hoping her tan skin covered an accidental blush.

_Too forward and too easy to misinterpret,_ she reprimanded herself. _She's going to think you're a lecher, come to continue the disgusting business that Elaida started._

"Ah, thank you," Meidani was unfazed. "I'd wondered if you were something of a night owl, or just working late on a pressing issue." She spoke thoughtfully and slowly, as if trying to determine both her motive for accepting the Red's offer of tea and the reason it was given in the first place. Her voice sounded as if it had been unused for some time, scratchy and despairing, and unlike her usual smooth-as-butter tone. She'd heard her speak once, just some brief instructions to a passing Accepted, but the Gray had a lovely voice and a coy, playful quality that was refreshing amid the sea of icy Aes Sedai.

"I suppose there's always _something_ pressing," Silviana conceded, pouring tea for both of them into dainty floral cups. Meidani was beneath her both in station and in strength, but Silviana had no mind for the Tower's hierarchy when it came to menial tasks. She was just as capable of pouring the bloody tea. "Though tonight's work was more routine, full of simple things that needed attending."

"I'm sure none of what you do is _simple,_" Meidani countered. One corner of her lips curled up. _Was it the tea or the statement that made her face soften? _thought Silviana."I can't imagine the sheer amount of work required by the Keeper of the Chronicles."

Settling back against her chair, Silviana debated steering the discussion away from her own life and back to whatever problem plagued Meidani, but decided against it. The fair-skinned woman would speak if she wanted to, and the last thing she needed was another Red pushing her against her will. "It can be... daunting," she settled on. After taking a sip of the herbal tea, she moved the conversation to what she hoped was neutral ground.

"Tell me, what was it like in Salidar? The Amyrlin speaks little of her time there."

Meidani sat unbearably still for so long that Silviana flinched in the silence. Was she offended? Had she pried too far with her question? Worse, was Meidani uncomfortable being alone in her presence? Silviana luckily lacked the more aggressive reputation many Reds had when it came to pursuing women they found attractive- she immediately recalled Galina's notorious, one-sided fascination with the gorgeous Tarna Feir- but it was no secret that the current Keeper had no interest in courting men.

Silviana had intended to relieve Meidani of whatever burden, whatever irrational fear, had her clutching at the Source in the hallway only moments prior. Ignoring the small voice in the back of her mind that questioned, _Why do you think she needs your help?_ was becoming increasingly difficult, and it nagged like a splinter beneath the skin. Her invitation was never meant to be flirtatious or forward but, in retrospect, Silviana berated herself for speaking without forethought. What must the Gray think of her, seemingly preying on the weak and tormented in the dead of night outside of her study? As her mind whirled trying to find an apology of the appropriate magnitude, Meidani spoke in an absent murmur. Silviana barely contained her sigh of relief.

"It was," she tucked a wayward blonde lock behind her ear, "confusing and unstable at first. But as we grew it became exciting. So much new blood, so many novices, it was exhilarating. It felt like being home at the Tower. I taught the girls history and the development of modern justice codes. Their enthusiasm was contagious."

She stared sadly into her cooling tea as if she'd forgotten that they'd returned home to Tar Valon with their massive host of new recruits in tow. It seemed her recent ordeals overshadowed any happy memories she'd made in the last year.

Though only months ago Silviana had been stuffed, hungry and cold, into a cramped, filthy cell in the bowels of the Tower, she didn't think she could summon the look of overwhelming agony that Meidani wore so comfortably before her. She'd been starved and beaten for days before being dragged from her prison thinking that she was almost- _almost-_ mentally prepared to be stilled and executed, when Egwene had called her to service before the Hall. Fortunes could change in a heartbeat, and she intended to prove that to the melancholy Gray by whatever means she could.

"Perhaps you should teach again here," Silviana said, taking a sip. The tea leaves sat unused and staling for too long, and needed to be replaced by a fresher set. "We have so many novices now and too few Sisters with your expertise and experience. Combine with that the fact that the Salidar novices already know and respect you, and I'd say you're an ideal candidate for continuing their lessons."

The taller woman seemed again at a loss for words, and if she clutched her teacup any tighter it would shatter in her palms. Silviana reached across the table, gently removing the porcelain from her guest's tense fingers, and softly added, "Only if you want to, of course." She resisted the urge to take her empty hand, tempting though it was, and saw with regret that Meidani began grasping her own hands like a drowning woman holding a lifeline. She was vulnerable, and the Keeper wanted desperately to provide her more meaningful comfort.

_You are a bleeding heart, Silviana, and she does not need your condolences._

Nodding vigorously, Meidani croaked, "Yes! Yes, I would very much like to teach again." Her renewed eagerness shook off the weight from her shoulders, but her hand-wringing continued. The Red thought any Aes Sedai must be terribly upset, nearing a breaking point, to wear her anxiety so openly. Meidani's bloodshot eyes shone, but with tears or exhaustion Silviana could not discern.

"Why are you doing this?" Meidani asked throatily.

For a long moment Silviana considered the question, hoping it didn't strike the other woman as suspicious that she did not supply an immediate answer. She wanted to be careful with her words, certainly more careful than she had been in their dealings so far. "Everyone deserves a little kindness, and to share a cup of tea at night when they're troubled."

Biting at her lips, Meidani murmured, "Thank you for thinking so." She looked for a long moment out the window to her left, then glanced down at the crimson-covered bedspread in the corner. "I must be going now. Sleep well, Silviana Sedai." She rose with a small bow, golden hair tumbling over her shoulders. "Thank you for the tea."

"Sleep well, Meidani Sedai," the Keeper responded, equally formal. "Be safe."

Silviana watched dolefully as Meidani closed the door behind her with a soft click. After a moment of stillness she began clearing the table of teacups, noting with a frown that Meidani's was mostly untouched. She wished the Gray had stayed a while longer despite their mutual weariness and the late hour, if only to finish her drink. As she moved to sort her pile of papers at the solid desk, Silviana suppressed the urge to burst into the hallway and invite Meidani back into her room. It was unsafe alone, even in the Tower, she tried to justify, undoing her bun with one hand and filing paperwork with the other. Her room was safer, and she could sleep on a palette while her guest took the bed. The Gray quarters were on the opposite side of the Tower.

As she changed into her night shift and prepared for bed, times when she was normally distracted by the tasks and trials of tomorrow, she found herself hoping that Meidani slept restfully instead.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes: **I can't begin to express my gratitude for the reviews I've received! It means the world to me to have some feedback, and I appreciate it like you wouldn't believe. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

I've also decided to share my nerdy faceclaim list for how I envision these characters: Naomi Watts as Meidani, Demi Moore as Silviana, Skylar Astin as Leonin, and Natalie Portman as Egwene. More may eventually be added.

Read, review, and enjoy!

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**Chapter 3**

"What happened last night, Meidani? You felt strange. Well," he took a deep breath, "you felt strange when you reopened the bond."

Leonin panted with exertion, chest heaving after his turn in the Warders' training ring. He was relatively small, at least compared to the other _Gaidan_, and rarely won in close combat contests. They'd fought with long swords today, and he'd been trounced by a massive, hook-nosed man named Sleete. Leonin was viper-quick, and truly excelled with a bow and knife. He'd never break his old hunting habits, and Meidani wasn't certain she wanted him to in the first place. The Greens could have their behemoths; she needed a Warder with a touch more subtlety.

Meidani briefly glanced up from her parchment. She'd been re-sorting her surviving notes from the lessons she'd taught in Salidar, realizing despondently that many had been lost in the journey to Tar Valon as a result of her carelessness. She'd have a great deal of work to do before asking to teach again, but she'd set out this morning with a goal in mind, which was a nice change of pace from the solitary, meaningless drudgery of the past three months.

Today she wore a freshly laundered pink dress laced with silver flowers beneath her shawl, as if hoping her wardrobe could bring about the sunnier days of spring. She'd taken special care to keep it tidy at breakfast, and was pleased to receive a compliment from a fellow Gray, Melavaire, who shared her table that morning.

The short Cairhienin had vocally expressed her surprise at Meidani's presence, not out of maliciousness or a cruel desire to embarrass her shamed Sister, but because they'd been much closer before the Tower split and they'd gone separate ways. She and Melavaire tended to break their fasts later in the morning, and had often ribbed each other (no more than Laras glared) about their perpetual tardiness before diving into the nuances of Saldean property laws and Murandian border disputes. Melavaire blessedly saw no need to question her meal partner's conspicuous dining room absences since rejoining the Tower, and Meidani resolved to eat with her the next day.

It had been a pleasant, normal exchange- something she didn't realize she missed- and not unlike her meeting with Silviana the night before. Though speaking with Melavaire didn't send her stomach flying into somersaults.

"I fail to see how my emotions are your business, my Warder," she coolly replied.

Snatching the paper from her hands, Leonin chuckled, "Going to be that way, are we? Fine, Meidani. You went from terrified to depressed to ecstatic in five minutes, and have been better ever since. I intend to find out why." He waved her lesson plan overhead.

"_Leonin_," she hissed. "You give that back _this_ _instant_."

Her blue eyes darted around the busy courtyard, hoping no one had seen their inappropriate exchange. She'd always treated her Warder like a little brother- an occasionally obnoxious little brother- but the entire White Tower didn't need to know the inner workings of their relationship. He was normally so well-behaved!

A bright thread of mirth emanated from him as his thin lips quirked upward. _It seems he's recovered from his previous exhaustion,_ she thought dryly.

"That's the most excitement I've seen from you in weeks. Even yesterday you would have given up on playing with me. I take that back, you'd have never visited in the first place." He returned the paper to her lap as she gave him a withering look. He was clearly still entertained, but an underlying current of worry snaked beneath the surface.

"Listen," he continued, sitting beside her on the bench with a tinkle of bells. "I've been concerned about you lately. So much has happened in the last few months, and you've grown distant. You used to tell me everything, even about-"

"Please, don't," she cut in snappishly. "Not here."

He sighed, "I was going to say 'about the things that hurt you,' Meidani. Try to trust me again."

Leonin knew the details of the task she'd been given, and keenly felt every shred of rage, shame, and guilt that had flooded his Aes Sedai's heart as a result. She'd started blocking the bond only two days after returning to the Tower, and had distanced herself from him- for his own protection, she claimed- in every way she could. This afternoon was the first time she'd called upon him in weeks. His black, belled hair had grown too long and needed trimming, which he loathed: it meant untying and painstakingly rearranging his bells.

Her lips tightened as she murmured, "I'm sorry. I have no excuse for my behavior."

Resting a scarred hand under his chin, Leonin propped an elbow on his thigh. "Not looking for excuses. Not looking for apologies. I want to know what happened last night because you felt something more than sadness for the first time in a long time. I want to make sure it happens again."

Leonin peered back at her, looking particularly youthful in his earnestness. She remembered when they'd bonded nearly a decade prior that she'd chosen him for his sensitivity and ability to empathize. He wasn't a man carved of stone, made only for killing; he was exceptionally human, and Meidani needed a Warder capable of feeling and laughing and knowing that they were close even without the bond. Their personalities had been so similar once: spontaneous, expressive, _loving_.

"I had a cup of tea with someone," she answered slowly. "She helped me," Meidani paused, seeking the right terminology, "sort things out a bit."

The Gray neglected to mention how close she'd come to asking- she refused to think of it as begging, though the latter word conjured up a more accurate representation of yesterday's emotions- to spend the night. It was pitiful to think that Silviana's act of kindness was all it took for Meidani to think she was interested in her, but some lonely part of her had hoped for an invitation to stay nonetheless, if only for platonic company. (Perhaps a platonic meeting was safer for her heart, but it certainly wasn't Meidani's preference.)

_And now here you sit, pining after the Keeper of the Chronicles who gave you some tea and ten minutes of her time. You don't even know her as a person_, Meidani thought. _Thank the Light no one saw us, a Red and a Gray together in the dead of night. Though... my reputation can't get much worse._

Leonin leaned back, folding his muscular arms. "A cup of tea?" he asked. "I'd have bought all the tea in Tar Valon if I'd known it would make you happy."

He nudged her with his shoulder and she swatted him away. Leonin was a child sometimes, but it was refreshing to find a Warder with a positive outlook on an otherwise tragic and burdensome life. His playfulness didn't sit well with several of his peers, but he never held back around her.

"It wasn't just the tea, you pest. We talked about her work, and about me teaching again."

_And while we spoke, I thought of raven hair splayed on her crimson bedspread, and how good I would feel if she held me. _Meidani lightly shook her head. It was absurd to think Silviana had any interest in her beyond lending a helping hand. She bit the inside of her lip as she berated herself for falling in lust so easily. That immature shortcoming had lead her straight to Elaida, and she didn't think she could handle another life lesson that brutal.

"You would enjoy teaching again, I think. Was it Nisain? She's always been a friend to you."

"No, I haven't seen Nisain in quite some time." The gangly Murandian was an excellent debate partner, and frequently served as a resource for her fellow Grays. Meidani had enjoyed discussing political theory with Nisain in Salidar before her lessons, but had lost touch with her after returning to the Tower. The normally gregarious, outgoing woman had lost touch with everything since then, and felt like a bird without a flock.

"Her name is Silviana," she continued. "She's a Red."

Leonin clenched his jaw. It was the closest approximation to startled that he ever outwardly displayed, but a spike of alarm shot across the bond. "That's unexpected," he muttered.

The constant cloud cover overhead cast everything in the courtyard in an unnatural blue tint, but the Warders practicing in the ring completely ignored the weather, or feigned it well enough to fool an idle watcher. _The world has a constant undertone of foreboding_, Meidani thought as she tore her gaze away from the darkened sky.

Again, she felt gratitude for Leonin's delicate handling of her past, but was uncertain of how to allay his fears. He didn't need to mention Elaida's name for her to recognize the source of his hatred. She could feel his apprehension and driving need to defend her the same way he could feel her desire for silence on the subject.

"She's different," she murmured. "She invited me in for tea to help me sleep. I was outside of the Amyrlin's office late last night."

Thrusting out his square jaw further, Leonin peered at her sideways. "What were you doing outside of the Amyrlin's office? Actually, what were _both_ of you doing outside of her office at that hour of the night? It's a dangerous place to be."

Gracefully avoiding his first question, Meidani replied, "Silviana Sedai was outside of the Amyrlin's office because she is the Keeper of the Chronicles."

Leonin stared blankly at her. With a raucous guffaw loud enough for a nearby Green and two of her Warders to glance disapprovingly in their direction, he patted her back, "You always were ambitious with women, but I really am impressed."

She thumped the back of his head with a paddle of Air, eyebrows knitting together with displeasure. "This is _not_ an appropriate place to be having this discussion."

"You brought it up!"

"It wasn't _that_ sort of meeting anyway, despite the hour," she huffed, hoping her blush had passed. Her pale Ghealdanan skin perpetually betrayed her embarrassment. "She was being kind, and nothing more."

It had been ages since Leonin had given her a hard time about women. He'd always encouraged her to flirt, not that she typically needed the support, and his intentions were good even if he behaved like a Domani merchant girl sometimes. He was developing his own reputation in Salidar among the Accepted as the friendly, handsome Warder who was always quick to wink at pretty passersby.

"Whether or not it was _like that_," he said, rubbing the back of his head, "I hope you'll go for another visit. She cheered you up, and I support any activity that yields such positive results. But," Leonin scowled, "let me escort you next time. I'll not have you getting flayed in the Tower for a tea party."

"I never said I was going to bother her again! For all I know she considers me the worst guest in the history of the Tower. I was not in a terribly good mood last night and didn't have my wits about me," she mumbled, trying not to grimace at her understatement. _  
_

Ten minutes in the steadying presence of Silviana had left her feeling calmer than hours of mediation, to say nothing of that fact that her recent attempts at self-counseling had left only the bitter flavor of regret in her mouth. Silviana's words tasted far sweeter.

"You may escort me in the future," she conceded. "If I decide to go again, that is."

"Perfect!" he smiled. "I'll come to your room a half-hour before midnight."

Meidani sighed and adjusted her shawl with her fingernails. There was no use arguing with him once he'd set his mind to a task. "Very well."

She would have to apologize profusely for barging in on Silviana a second time, but she'd be better company tonight. She promised it. The Gray told herself that the flurry of excitement in her belly was from spending time with Leonin again, squelching the persistent voice that reminded her of Silviana's loveliness, and how safe she'd felt in her company. Perhaps she could bring her a gift, both to show her gratitude and to serve as an excuse for another visit. Tea came to mind immediately.

Rising to leave, Meidani gave her Warder a final look as she gathered her history documents. "Don't think I've missed your hair. We shall cut it tomorrow." She smirked as he dramatically groaned.

Meidani's blue eyes brightened as she strode to the Tower proper to seek a Yellow Sister with tea recommendations. She wouldn't arrive at Silviana's door empty-handed again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes: **Short chapter, but the next one will be up soon! Read, review, and enjoy.

* * *

**Chapter 4**

"A Tremalking black- _strong_, mind you- something for sleeping, something floral, some Saldean spiced blend," Silviana ticked off her long fingers, "and anything else she recommends. Suana Sedai is the expert, after all."

She shooed Yeteri away, noting with pleasure that the novice began repeating her instructions under her breath even before she was dismissed. The petite girl would be raised to Accepted soon, given her commendable performance during the Seanchan attack beside Nicola Treehill and the Amyrlin. Nicola would make an excellent Red if she could shake her habit of gossip-spreading and troublemaking, but Silviana remained fond of her tenacity. Along with the others, Yeteri had learned to link in a matter of minutes, so hopefully her ability to procure tea leaves before dinner would be equally remarkable.

"I'd no idea you were so enamored with tea, Silviana," Egwene smiled from her place behind her desk.

It was refreshing to see her face lighten after countless hours spent preparing for the coming night. The assassin remained hidden, and Silviana was one of a select group who knew that Egwene planned to use herself as bait to lure him or her out of hiding. It was risky, and completely against the Keeper's wishes, but they'd exhausted all other options long before. The Tower could not afford to lose more Sisters to the deadly shadow.

"I've found myself drinking more of it lately, Mother. It's good for my nerves."

"Before bed, I assume," Egwene replied, watching her Keeper with knowing brown eyes. "Forgive me for prying, but I heard you had a visitor last night when I returned from Dreaming. Don't look so concerned, Silviana, you weren't the reason I woke. Was anything amiss?"

The Keeper pursed her lips, bowing slightly. "Forgive me, Mother. I never meant to keep it from you, but it didn't seem worthy of your attention. Meidani Sedai came to your study late last night. She seemed troubled, so I invited her to speak with me instead. She stayed only briefly, and there was no need to disturb you."

Egwene rose, readjusting her stole. She lowered her eyes as she murmured, "Perhaps I have not commended Meidani enough for her efforts. She was placed into a situation that was out of my control, but seemed to have recovered well when last I saw her."

_She was raped_, thought Silviana, bitterness welling in her gut.

The memory of of the Gray standing petrified and alone in the halls, grasping at the Source as if the Dark One himself had cornered her, sent a chill down Silviana's spine. How could Egwene and the Hall minimize the horrible things that had transpired between Elaida and Meidani?

It was the greatest sin the former Amyrlin had committed, and Silviana would have ordered the despicable Sister stilled and executed had she presided over that trial. If there'd _been_ a trial. Silviana would meet Elaida's cruel abuse with an equal measure of heartlessness, and feel no sting of pity for condemning that woman to her demise. Meidani deserved justice, and Elaida deserved something worse than death. Perhaps she'd found it now.

"Mother, if I may, I don't believe she was seeking accolades. She came to you because she was having nightmares and sought comfort. I provided what I could in your absence."

The Amyrlin studied the plush blue carpet beneath her feet and clasped her hands demurely before her. It was a wonder she maintained such an incredible air of self-control in the light of the Tower's crippling problems, but Egwene al'Vere had been named the Flame of Tar Valon for a valid reason. She was unflappable.

"Was she more peaceful when she left you?"

"Yes, Mother."

"And you ordered more tea from Suana because you think she'll be returning tonight?"

Silviana tensed, mouth tightly drawn. "I- I don't know if she'll be returning, Mother, but I thought it better to be prepared." She lowered her face to straighten her skirts, hoping her rapidly reddening face was hidden. If only she wore her hair around her shoulders more often...

"I thank you, Silviana," Egwene said. "And hope you continue to help Meidani. If she asks for me in the future, don't hesitate to wake me. Though," she smiled innocently, "I have a sneaking suspicion that she will be content with your company."

_What does that mean? Am I so transparent that she can read my face? _A dawning wave of terror washed over Silviana. _Am I mooning?_

"Yes, well," the Keeper loudly cleared her throat. "We should make our way to the Hall and see to some final preparations. It will be a long night if all goes well, and longer if it doesn't, Mother." She shepherded the Amyrlin out of the study and through the halls, noting with displeasure that the red-haired Andoran princeling trailed behind them as if they wouldn't notice his sulking presence. Egwene certainly ignored him thoroughly enough.

_Disrespectful boy. _

She scowled, straitening her shoulders. She was the sort of woman who stood with rigid authority because her personality demanded it, because it was _right_, and she bore little goodwill for a petulant boy-child who seemed hellbent on subverting the Amyrlin's wishes. The notion that he could help Egwene without meddling in her business did not seem to penetrate his thick skull, and Silviana sniffed at him whenever the opportunity presented itself. Simply being there to support her would have been enough.

Her mind slid back to Meidani. If the tall blonde returned for a second night Silviana was determined to listen wholly: to be nonjudgmental and patient and kind. Any topic was open for discussion. Unlike Gawyn Trakand for Egwene, she could be the strong, silent shoulder Meidani needed when she felt lost and overwhelmed. She strode through the corridors, simultaneously wondering why she found the Gray so captivating and praying that the feeling was reciprocated.

Before announcing the Amyrlin's arrival to the Hall, Silviana furrowed her brow and thought, _I am a fool._


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes: **I call this chapter "Why Phrasing is Important." Read, review, and enjoy!

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**Chapter 5**

As she walked to Silviana's study with Leonin sauntering behind her, Meidani tried to ignore her pounding heart. She held a scarlet teacup in each hand, hoping the Keeper didn't think it insulting that her guest chose to furnish her tea set with new cups. The Sea Folk porcelain was decorated with tiny ships floating near the rim, wedged between curling white waves and clouds. It was the most sensible gift the Gray could conjure up on such short notice, and she remained steadfast in her decision to arrive with a present in tow.

_If only Suana had tea left!_ Meidani huffed. The Yellow Sitter told her that a novice had come by on an errand only minutes before and cleared out her entire stock of exotic leaves. _Of course she did. _

Without a word, Leonin took up his station opposite a corner from two Tower Guards. No doubt they'd all be chummy in a few moments given the Warder's natural ability to make friends. She used to joke with other Grays that he could make a Trolloc his bosom-buddy if given enough time.

She rounded the hallway and saw that Silviana's study door was open and a soft light shone out to the corridor from inside. A spike of self-doubt shot through her as she thought, _She's still hard at work_. Had the invitation to return been a hollow courtesy? No doubt the Keeper of the Chronicles had better things to do, but she _had_ invited Meidani back. Silviana didn't seem the type of woman to be prone to idle words or trivial pleasantries like many Aes Sedai were.

Still, it was so late in the night.

Transferring the teacups to one hand, she steeled herself to enter and knocked against the wooden door frame. The study was sparser than Silviana's private room, but both were kept meticulously neat without losing a sense of familiar quaintness. It housed a number of bookshelves lined with impressive historical tomes, most of which were likely too dense for even Meidani to find enjoyable, that appeared more decorative than useful. The rugs were patterned with vines and roses, pretty enough without being garish, but were otherwise unadorned. The Keeper's study was far from extravagant, and seemed a great deal brighter now that Alviarin was out of the office. Meidani had hardly interacted with the frozen White, which suited her perfectly. Elaida caused her enough trouble without the interference of that sharp, emotionless wretch.

Meidani's gaze swept to the middle of the room where Silviana rigidly sat, black hair tight in a bun, engrossed in whatever letter she was writing. Her lips mouthed the words she wrote, head tilted slightly toward the candle by her side.

As Silviana's eyes darted across the parchment, Meidani absently thought, _She's stunning_.

For a moment the Gray considered knocking again, as the other woman had yet to tear her focus away from her papers, but paused to watch her a trifle longer. Her hand hovered beside the door frame, just long enough for Silviana to finally notice her presence. The Keeper smiled widely, ink and letter temporarily forgotten.

"Meidani Sedai, I'm so sorry to keep you waiting." she said. "I didn't realize the hour, and thought you were one of the Sitters calling on the Amyrlin." Her eyes tightened momentarily as they flickered toward the Amyrlin's rooms. "Are you well tonight?"

Meidani entered slowly, holding up the teacups, "I am well, thank you. Better than yesterday, at least." Ignoring the swell of nervousness in her stomach was becoming increasingly difficult. She swallowed thickly. _Light, I feel like a novice again_.

"Silviana Sedai, I wanted to thank you for last night," she paused, wishing she'd rephrased her sentence, "for, ah, inviting me for tea. It was very kind of you and I wanted to give you with a token of my appreciation." Her words tumbled out in a rush.

Meidani gingerly set the crimson teacups on the Keeper's desk. It was smaller than the cherrywood one in her bedroom but still gargantuan, and was no doubt filled to the brim with mountains of clerical work. The thumping in Meidani's chest became distressingly loud as Silviana rose and cleared her throat, curiously inspecting the little cups.

"This is," she began in her deep voice, "a very thoughtful gift. I greatly appreciate it and, ah, I like the little boats." She cleared her throat again, and Meidani wondered if she was developing a head cold. _Perhaps that's why she offered tea? _

Silviana glided from her seat and delicately lifted the cups, saying, "Thank you for these. Shall we retire to my bedroom?"

The Keeper's eyebrows climbed to the ceiling faster than Meidani's jaw hit the floor.

"For tea!" Silviana spluttered. "My tea is in my room... on the table. We should have tea now. If you want," she weakly amended. The Altaran Keeper clutched her new gifts to her chest, hazel eyes boring a hole into the carpet and looking uncharacteristically hunched in her red stole.

Meidani laughed aloud, voice resonating, and pressed a hand to her chest. It was like using an atrophied muscle to laugh that hard- it _hurt_- but Silviana was endearing and she could hardly stop now if she tried. The Red stared back at her wide-eyed.

_Oh Light, who knew the Keeper of the Chronicles could be so adorably inappropriate? It makes her even more dangerous to me..._

After wiping away the dewy tears forming in the corners of her eyes, Meidani smirked playfully and said, "Nothing quite like a slip of the tongue to break the ice. Feel free to invite me to your chambers however you like, Silviana Sedai. I won't refuse you or your tea." It pleased the Gray tremendously to see her companion ferociously blush, lips sucking into themselves in embarrassment and surprise.

_When was the last time I flirted?_ Meidani thought with a rueful grin. She pushed away the visions of Elaida's quarters and Yukiri's demands. There was a time and place for that sickening memory, but not here. Not now, with a beautiful, alluring brunette who, mutually interested or not, set her heart leaping.

"Just Silviana is fine," she gulped. "I didn't- I hope I didn't offend you. It was a poor turn of phrase. I didn't mean to imply-"

"You didn't?" Meidani stepped closer. Before Silviana could respond, a booming wave of light and deafening sounds exploded through the doorway.

Silviana shoved the teacups into Meidani's quivering arms before clutching her shoulders and commanding, "Stay here. Do not open the door for anyone but me."

The Keeper rushed out of her study with a determined scowl, closing the door on the bewildered woman behind her.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

_No! Not tonight!_ she mentally screamed. _Not when Meidani is here. She could be hurt... _

Her mind galloped away, envisioning Egwene dead in her bedroom, ripped to shreds by _saidar_ or gutted by a hidden knife. Silviana nearly collided with two Tower guards and a bell-haired Arafellin who moved like a Warder, but she rolled up her sleeves, seized the Source, and ordered, "Follow me to the Amyrlin's room. Her wards have sounded."

She strode before the trio of men, torn between preparing a brutal weave of Earth and Fire or a net of Healing. How could she know what was needed most urgently until she arrived? Silviana turned a corner, sending her skirts whipping into the knees of the retinue behind her, and found herself staring into the furious brown eyes of Egwene al'Vere. Behind her a man with a sword on his hip hovered in the air, arms pinned to his side, as a rat's nest of red hair fell across his forehead. His cheeks were glowing crimson.

"Silviana Sedai," Egwene cooly greeted her Keeper. "Thank you for responding so quickly. I'm afraid it was a false alarm triggered by a disobedient child." No doubt the statement was intended for the stupid boy hanging overhead, who was either too ashamed to retort or gagged with Air. Silviana hoped for the latter and scowled mightily at his floating behind.

_Gawyn Trakand, you will be the death of her if you keep this up,_ she spat internally.

"Of course, Mother," she dipped her head, releasing the Source. "You are well then?"

"As well as can be expected given the circumstances." Egwene spared an empty glance over her shoulder. "I shall retire to my study for a few hours of meditation. Leave him there."

"Yes, Mother," Silviana smiled. _If he can so thoroughly ruin her plans, then she can certainly spoil his for the evening in return._

"Thank you all for coming," the Amyrlin continued graciously to the guards and Warder. "Tar Valon needs good men like you more with every passing day. Please return to your posts." She didn't bother ordering them to secrecy. Perhaps she hoped Gawyn would learn the hard way not to ignore her requests. He certainly looked as thought he could die from embarrassment.

Bidding Egwene good night, Silviana and the three men returned the way they came. The Warder muttered, "Seems a poor choice to sneak into the Amyrlin's rooms without an explicit invitation." The guards hid their smiles, but Silviana absently nodded despite his casual tone. At least _some_ men were capable of forethought.

As she tucked a loose strand of hair into her tight bun, Silviana sighed outside of her study door. There was clearly no way to salvage the rest of the night after behaving so dramatically over that idiot's foolishness. She'd practically manhandled Meidani- the last Aes Sedai in the world who needed more rough treatment_-_ and left her locked in her room alone and afraid.

_She was being so sweet_, Silviana thought. _And... forward. At least, I_ hope _that's what it was. _

"Meidani Sedai?" she called, knocking twice. "It's Silviana."

The door clicked open immediately, and a pair of large blue eyes filled the crack. "Just Meidani is fine," she replied. Her exhale carried to hallway, and the Red found herself distracted again. She leaned closer unconsciously.

"Is everything all right? My Warder followed after you and he seems to be well." She didn't open the door further, but Silviana was too preoccupied by how pleasant Meidani smelled to notice. She swallowed thickly, willing away the fleeting notion that she should lean in and kiss her.

_Completely inappropriate, you smitten buffoon._

"Ah. The Arafellin," she said, clearing her throat. "I wondered about him. He did well to respond so quickly."

"Leonin," Meidani smiled, gorgeous face illuminated with mirth.

"I'm sorry?"

"Leonin. My Warder is named Leonin."

"Ah. Yes." Silviana blushed. Berating herself for having not a smidgen of tact or composure, she added, "_Leonin_ did very well. I appreciated his efforts, as did the Amyrlin." She fell silent, readjusted her shawl and skirt self-consciously.

The Gray lowered her head and her voice, eyes crinkling at the corners. "Would you like to come in, Silviana?"

"Yes, please," the Keeper breathed, following Meidani into her study with pursed lips. It seemed the longer she spent with the other Sister the more her mind flew out the window. No doubt Meidani noticed her dazed expression and assumed she had some sort of degenerative brain disease.

The lonely pair of teacups perched atop Silviana's desk. She sighed, "I'm terribly sorry for having ruined our evening. I would still enjoy a cup of tea with you, if you wouldn't mind relocating to my quarters."

She glanced up at the Gray, noting with pleasure that she smiled in return. The candlelight cast a flickering shadow across her high cheekbones as she watched Silviana thoughtfully. Her slim figure stood tall, so vastly different than the hunched, frightened creature she saw last night in the corridor, and the rhythmic rise and fall of her chest- she tried not to dwell on that thought- embodied her renewed calm. Some part of Silviana's heart took pride in the notion that she'd contributed to Meidani's tranquility, but another feared the hectic drumming in her chest that accompanied the Gray's presence.

Meidani murmured in her sing-song voice, "I was hoping you'd ask."

_I am doomed_, thought Silviana. _I've hardly known her two days and she occupies my every thought._

Retrieving the teacups and desperately trying to conceal the confusing mixture of excitement and trepidation roiling in her chest, Silviana nodded toward the door, "After you." She retained the presence of mind to set her routine wards on the study, a nightly ritual, and turned from the door to see her companion leaning against the whitewashed wall outside with a mournful look.

"Meidani?" she tested the name on her tongue. It was both foreign and familiar, and sent a jolt of pleasure down her spine to use it freely. _It's only a name..._

"Forgive me." She added, "Silviana."

Meidani wrapped her shawl more closely around shrugged shoulders. "Things have been difficult lately, and I appreciate you taking the time for me." She closed her eyes, purpling eyelids betraying that she'd been too long without sleep. Her nails dug into the pale skin of her arms.

_How can I respond to that? "You deserve the best"? "I wish I could give you more"? _

Before she could answer, a voice called from down the hall, "Meidani Sedai, may I have a moment?"

Silviana turned as the bell-haired Warder strode past her in his dizzying color-changing cloak, guiding his Aes Sedai several paces away by the small of her back before she could reply. The Red's stomach dropped as they leaned close to one another, tiny smiles dancing on Meidani's lips whenever he playfully nudged her shoulder. She could not hear what was said, but the Gray's mournful mood had clearly dissipated in her Gaidan's presence.

_I am a fool_; s_he is taken with him. He's probably asking her to come back to bed._

Leonin- she painfully recalled the way Meidani had named him only moments prior- parted ways with his bonded with a wave, stopping to respectfully nod and murmur, "Silviana Sedai" as he passed by her again. It did not feel mocking, but she internally winced nonetheless. She hated that he was handsome and strong.

Silviana looked to the ground, berating herself for assuming the blonde Aes Sedai preferred women. Even worse, why would she gravitate toward another Red after the way she'd been treated by Elaida? Her Warder was a safer decision, a logical decision. She wondered if it would be rude to abruptly excuse herself and retreat to her quarters alone instead of pining like a naive novice with an unrequited crush.

"Forgive me, again," Meidani said lightheartedly. "Leonin felt he needed to remind me of something I mentioned earlier today."

"I see," Silviana stiffly replied.

Meidani peered her her curiously. "I... I am sorry for all these interruptions."

"As am I."

Her lips parted in a dragging moment of silence before she asked, "Did I do something to upset you, Silviana? It was never my intention."

"I- you- no. It's late. I understand if he wants you to retire for the night."

A smile of relief and amusement appeared on Meidani's face, brighter and wider than anything she'd previously worn. She smoothed the front of her rose-embroidered dress with a shake of her head. "Leonin has no bearing on when or where I go to bed."

"I- _oh_." Silviana flushed in her stole, suddenly uncomfortably warm. "I thought you might, ah-"

"Perhaps if he were female, and even that would be a trial," Meidani smirked. Before Silviana could choke out another shocked response, the tall Gray looped their arms together and asked, "Ready for tea?"

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**Notes:** Silviana, gurl, you can't handle this Gray.


End file.
